Time to record the exploits of REFOS, Royston Golf Club’s Saturday morning regulars and bar props, all year round. Entry £2, birdies 20p, chips out of the kitty if lucky.
Terminology : REFOS – Royston Eight Fifteen On Saturday
President : Walter, 84 going on 40. ‘We hae meat an we hae Walter so may the Lord be thanked’.
Cast – the Regulars
Nipper – big on personality, low on stature, has somewhere found those extra yards. Fetishes about Jaffa Cakes and The General, God knows why. Known by anyone who’s anyone.
Phil M – like Jim Furyk, a swing all of his own. Three piece action but astounding distances when it works. Penchant for wearing dead beasts on head. Mr cheerful.
Peter G – Twinkletoes, likes to practice clog dancing before the shot. Suddenly a man in form, must be all those expensive clubs, some topping £15, and those Tesco grips. Football (aka Chelsea) nut, almost in Arfur’s league as raconteur. Noisy, but never knowingly down.
Oddjob – Famous for golf trips to Spain. Moving to a stiff shaft has dramatically improved his performance and he can almost guarantee three birdies each outing.
Richard L – his missiles are sometimes unguided but the only one of us who can get through railings without touching the sides. Good attendance record, big hitter, big putting backswing but keep the downswing moving, lad.
Gary H – basically placid, occasionally known to let frustrations and golf club fly off. Good solid character our Harry G. Stick a golf club down your trouser leg lad, to stop that knee collapsing.
Peter L (aka Basmati – alternative to pilau, gerrit?) – anything can happen, even a straight one. Big hitter from a horizontal start. Legs like my granny’s walnut table after hols in Kos, Nattiest dresser and perpetually cheerful with a bon mot at the ready.
Trev – Mr cheerful and capable of anything given a bit of management. Nothing upsets him, missed birdie – ha ha; out of bounds – ha, ha. Score? – um, no idea.
Martin – Nearly headless pegleg; been through a lot this year but comes out smiling. Good on yer lad. Almost as good as Trev on scoring.
Mike – Never at a loss for the quick repartee. Favourite club – Texas wedge, anywhere from 150 yards out.
Arthur – Classy performer, how does he do it in between the non-stop chatter? Hates football, particularly having to talk to Pete. Our resident entertainer.
Dr G – Couldn’t stay away after brief flirtation with the Gogs (grumpy old gits?). Sharing the elder statesman spot with Trev and more a puddly debtor than deadly putter.
Tony – Oh aye, hard cheese (I’ll look forward to that). Fastest swing in town but listen carefully for the pearls of wisdom.